What Your Teen’s “Disrespect” Might Actually Be Saying

Let’s talk about one of the hardest moments in parenting teens:

When your child rolls their eyes, snaps back, ignores you, or mutters under their breath—and you’re left thinking, “Where did my sweet kid go?”

It can feel personal. Disrespectful. Even heartbreaking.

But here’s the truth that most parents never get told:

Teen “disrespect” is rarely about a lack of love—and almost always about a lack of skills, safety, or regulation.

Let’s look deeper.

1. Disrespect is Often a Clumsy Expression of Emotion

Teens are feeling a lot—but their brains are still learning how to manage those feelings. Anger, embarrassment, shame, overwhelm… they all tend to come out sideways.

That sarcastic tone?
That “whatever” with the slammed door?

It’s not usually calculated cruelty. It’s emotional overflow.

What’s underneath:

• “I feel out of control.”

• “I don’t know how to say what I’m feeling.”

• “I’m afraid you don’t understand me.”

This doesn’t mean you tolerate hurtful behavior—but it helps to know where it’s coming from.

2. It’s Easier to Push You Away Than to Let You In

You are your teen’s safest person. Ironically, that means you may see their worst.

Why? Because being vulnerable is scary. Being seen is scary. Especially in a world that tells teens to be “cool” and “in control.”

So instead of saying, “I’m scared I’ll disappoint you” or “I feel alone,” they say:

“You don’t get it.”
“Whatever.”
“Just leave me alone.”

Disrespect becomes armor.

3. Sometimes, “Disrespect” is Really a Bid for Autonomy

Teens are wired to separate. It’s developmentally normal—and necessary. But in the process, they often test boundaries and push back against control.

That pushback can feel disrespectful… but it might actually mean:

“I want to be seen as capable.”
“I need to make some decisions for myself.”
“Let me try, even if I fail.”

Your calm, respectful boundaries teach them how to disagree without disrespect—over time.

4. What They Need From You Isn’t Harshness—It’s Leadership

It’s easy to feel triggered when your teen disrespects you. But the antidote isn’t more power or control. It’s calm, consistent leadership.

Respond like this:

• “It’s okay to feel upset. It’s not okay to speak to me like that.”

• “Let’s take a break and come back when we’re both calm.”

• “I’m here, and we’ll figure this out together.”

Your steady presence teaches them what safety feels like—even in conflict.

5. Disrespect is a Signal, Not a Verdict

If your teen has been disrespectful lately, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means there’s something deeper going on—and your relationship can handle looking at it.

Think of these moments as messages, not just misbehavior.

Ask yourself:
“What are they really trying to say?”
“Where are they struggling to be seen, heard, or understood?”

When you meet disrespect with curiosity and connection, you don’t just stop the behavior—you build trust.

You Are Not Alone—and It’s Not Too Late

Every parent has moments where they feel disrespected or shut out. You’re not the only one. And your teen isn’t broken—they’re just growing.

When you can shift from “how do I get them to stop?” to “what’s going on underneath this?”, everything begins to change.

And your teen? They may not say it, but they’ll feel the shift. And they’ll thank you for it—someday.

💡 Want more tools for staying connected through conflict?

Explore my 1:1 coaching preview or check out The Connection Shop on Etsy for gentle, grounded support for parents navigating the teen years.

7 Productive Habits to Build With Your Pre-Teen (That Go Beyond Chore Charts)

Pre-teen years can feel like a strange in-between space.

One minute your child wants to cuddle on the couch, and the next they want total independence. You're navigating new attitudes, bigger emotions, and growing responsibilities—all while trying to stay connected.

This season is the perfect time to build habits that support both of you: habits that teach life skills and emotional strength.

Here are 7 productive habits to help your pre-teen grow with confidence—and keep your bond strong.

1. Start and End the Day With Connection

A 5-minute morning hug or a quick “goodnight check-in” can set the tone for trust.

Why it matters: These rituals remind your pre-teen they’re not alone in the world—even if their emotions feel big or confusing.

Try this:

• Ask: “Anything you’re looking forward to today?”

• Say: “I’m proud of how you’re growing.”

2. Weekly “Family Power Hour”

Pick one time each week for a simple, team-based reset:
📦 Tidy up shared spaces
🧠 Plan for the week
💬 Talk about what’s coming up

Why it matters: It builds responsibility and creates space for open conversation—without lectures.

3. Practice Problem-Solving Together

Instead of jumping in with solutions when a problem comes up, guide your pre-teen through it.

Ask:

“What do you think we could try?”
“What’s one step you could take?”

Why it matters: You're building their confidence in decision-making, not just obedience.

4. Create a Rhythm Around Screens

Instead of constant conflict, build shared agreements.

Try:

• “Tech-free zones” (like dinner or bedtime)

• A visible screen schedule

• Co-create the rules with them

Why it matters: Shared expectations reduce power struggles and grow self-regulation.

5. Daily “One Thing” Together

Pick one small thing to do together daily:
☕ Tea and toast
🐾 Walk the dog
🧩 A puzzle piece or doodle
📚 A page from a book

Why it matters: It’s less about what you do—and more about keeping the connection alive in small ways.

6. Emotional Check-Ins

Create space for your pre-teen to name their feelings.

Simple check-ins:

• “What was the best part of your day?”

• “What’s been feeling hard lately?”

• “Do you want advice, a hug, or just someone to listen?”

Why it matters: Naming emotions builds emotional intelligence and teaches that they’re safe to feel things around you.

7. Model—and Celebrate—Progress Over Perfection

Let your pre-teen see you working on your own habits too. When things go sideways? Talk about how you reset.

Try:

“I was really stressed this morning—I’m trying to take deep breaths when that happens.”
“I’m working on being less reactive too.”

Why it matters: You’re showing them what growth actually looks like.

Building Habits With Your Pre-Teen, Not Just For Them

The habits that matter most aren’t about rigid routines or perfect systems. They’re about creating rhythms of connection, responsibility, and emotional safety—together.

And as those small habits build? So does their trust in you.

💛 Want support creating connection-based routines that actually work?

Explore 1:1 coaching preview or visit The Connection Shop on Etsy for tools that support healthy emotional habits in the tween and teen years.

How to Really Listen to Your Teen (So They’ll Want to Talk to You Again)

Let’s be real—getting your teen to open up can sometimes feel like cracking a secret code. One minute they’re chatting away, and the next? Silence. Shrugs. A closed bedroom door.

If you’ve ever felt shut out, you’re not alone.

But here’s something powerful: when you truly listen, your teen notices. They may not say it out loud, but deep down, they feel it—and it’s what keeps the door open for future connection.

1. Pause the Fix-It Reflex

We love our kids fiercely, so it’s natural to want to jump in with advice or solutions. But teens often aren’t looking for answers—they’re looking to be heard.

Try this:

“That sounds really frustrating. Tell me more.”

That one sentence can make all the difference. It tells them you're on their side.

2. Be Fully Present

(Yes, That Means Putting Your Phone Down)

You know that feeling when someone listens to you with their whole presence?

Your teen craves that, too.

Ways to show you're really listening:

• Eye contact (without staring)

• Gentle nods or affirming sounds (“mm-hmm,” “I see”)

• No multitasking. Even 5 minutes of full attention is powerful.

3. Validate Without Judging

Teen emotions can be big. Your job isn’t to decide if their feelings are logical—it’s to make space for them.

Try saying:

“That must have been tough.”
“I can see why you’d feel that way.”
“Thanks for telling me.”

Validation builds trust. It tells them: Your feelings matter here.

4. Watch for the “Little Opens”

Not every heart-to-heart starts with “Mom, I need to talk.”

Sometimes it’s just:

“Ugh, today sucked.”
Or even just… them sitting nearby in silence.

These are small invitations. Don’t miss them.

Your role:
Stay gentle. Ask open-ended questions. Or just be there. Sometimes, your quiet presence is enough.

5. End with Warmth, Not Worry

After a deep conversation, it’s tempting to circle back with more questions or overanalyze. But sometimes, what your teen really needs is closure with care.

Close with love:

“Thanks for sharing that with me.”
“I love how thoughtful you are.”
“You can always come to me—anytime.”

You’re Not Just a Parent. You’re a Safe Place.

Listening isn’t about getting it perfect. It’s about showing up with an open heart, again and again.

When your teen knows you're someone who listens deeply, they'll keep coming back. Not always with words—but always with trust.

Repairing the Connection After a Blow-Up: How to Rebuild Trust With Your Child

No matter how loving or intentional we are as parents, we all have moments we wish we could take back.

Maybe you raised your voice. Maybe your child slammed the door. Maybe you both walked away feeling hurt, angry, or misunderstood.

Here’s the good news: rupture happens in every relationship—but so can repair. And when done with care, repair can actually make your bond stronger than before.

Step 1: Regulate Before You Reach Out

When emotions are running high, it’s tempting to rush in and fix things right away. But if your nervous system is still activated, your child will sense it.

Take a pause to check in with yourself:

• Are you calm enough to lead the repair?

• Can you approach your child with empathy, not just guilt?

If not, give yourself a moment (or an hour) to ground. Breathe deeply. Move your body. Speak kindly to yourself. You’re human, too.

Step 2: Take Ownership Without Over-Explaining

Repair starts with humility—not perfection. Your child doesn’t need a long explanation. They need to see that you see them.

Try something like:

“I didn’t handle that the way I want to. I raised my voice and I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that.”
“I let my frustration take over and I’m working on that.”

Avoid turning the moment into a lesson. Just own your part. That’s what builds safety.

Step 3: Validate Their Feelings—Even If They Don’t Say Much

Depending on your child’s temperament or age, they might not respond right away. They might shrug. Stay quiet. Even walk away.

That’s okay.

Your job is to keep the door open with empathy, not pressure.

You can say:

“If I were you, I’d probably feel pretty upset too.”
“It makes sense if you’re still mad or confused.”
“I’m here when you’re ready.”

Your child may not have the words, but they’re listening with their heart.

Step 4: Invite Reconnection Gently

Once you’ve repaired the rupture, look for a soft way to reconnect.

No grand gestures required—just presence and intention.

Try:

• Sitting next to them while they watch a show

• Offering a snack or favorite treat

• Asking, “Want to go for a walk?” or “Can I hang out with you for a bit?”

Reconnection is often more about being than doing.

Step 5: Model Growth, Not Perfection

When you show your child that it’s okay to make mistakes—and important to make them right—you’re teaching one of the most powerful lessons of all: how to be emotionally responsible.

Let them see that you’re learning too. You don’t need to pretend you always know what you’re doing.

You just need to keep showing up.

Repair Builds Resilience

Blow-ups happen. You’re not failing—you’re in a real, evolving relationship with a growing human.

When you lean into repair with softness, ownership, and love, you’re giving your child something they’ll carry for life: the memory that no matter what, love brings us back together.

❤️ Need Support Navigating Hard Moments?

You don’t have to do this alone.
Explore my 1:1 coaching preview or check out my Etsy shop for tools that support emotional connection through life’s ups and downs.